Life Lesson #2

Voice of Seth Rogen: Listen man...ya gotta get off the facebook.

Me: What...why?

Voice of Seth Rogen: Think about it man! If I can hack into your brain after a few hours of hearing my voice on some movie, what the fuck do you think is gonna happen after a year or two of facebook?

Me: You're crazy.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Am I? You are the one talking back.

Me: No, I'm not.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Yes, you are.

Me: Nope. I'm gonna listen to the Wu-Tang Clan now.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Cash Rules Everything Around Me...cream get tha money.

Me: Fuck this. I'm gonna listen to something you don't know.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Who?

Me: You.

Voice of Seth Rogen: I thought I didn't exist?

Me: You don't. I'm listening to spanish radio.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Su madre esta muy sucia, bitch.

Me: What?

Voice of Seth Rogen: It means, your mother is very...

Me, interrupting: I know what it means.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Listen man, fuck facebook. Everyone wants you to be like them. It's all about influence, man. Think about go to reach for the Coco Puffs at the grocery store...start to put them in your shopping cart...and BAM, you remember that Johnny Facebook just bought the new "Peanut Butter Churro Sugar Smacks"...which are like twelve fucking dollars worth of shaped sugar...BUT, it's too're locked in, you're buying somebody else's cereal...get ready for skull-rotting, sugar-soaked, rip-off, cereal-slop. All you wanted were the fucking Coco Puffs, but now you're fucked. You're gonna get the runs...know why? Because, you're gonna eat the whole fucking box in one Coco Puff chocolate milk residue for're living someone else's life now.

Me: I'm not like that.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Ok, man. Why did you shave your beard?

Me: What?

Voice of Seth Rogen: Why did YOU SHAVE YOUR BEARD?

Me: It's summertime in New Jersey. I was hot.

Voice of Seth Rogen: were influenced. Look at all the naked faced boy-toys on your friend list. You're a sheep, man!

Me: Shut-up.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Ok. Fuck it. Tell everyone on facebook that you have hourly conversations in your head with Seth Rogen.

Me: I already did.

Voice of Seth Rogen: And what did they say?

Me: Nothing. I only have like 30 pageviews.

Voice of Seth Rogen: Really, man?

Me: Yea.

Voice of Seth Rogen: You must be really boring...or everyone already thinks you're crazy.

Me: Yea.

Voice of Seth Rogen: No! Fuck that, dude! Facebook is for pansies, and all the pansies are ignoring you because you don't fit into their little social in...Listen up bro-hemian rhapsody...I'm gonna make your life more interesting...and fast. Here's what you do: delete ALL of your facebook friends, but leave your profile, then steal all of my pictures...and change your name to Seth with it...just become ME #2.

Me: Not gonna do that.

Voice of Seth Rogen: I'm warning you man.

Me: You're paranoid.

Voice of Seth Rogen: I am?

Me: Yea. Where's my next life lesson?

Voice of Seth Rogen: Life lesson #2: Seth Rogen hates Facebook.